Last night I was tired. Strike that. Yesterday (aka Saturday) I was tired. Friday night didn't go so well and the Noah/Mili sleep-depriving tag team struck again, waking me up 6 times in 5 hours or so. They've gotten considerably better, but there are still the occasional nights. That evening I was trying so hard to just not fall apart on poor Tyler. I was hot, achy, and exhausted.
Someone had given us a dresser and we moved it into the hoodlums' room. While Tyler heroically did bath time, I cleaned up the room and rehung a few pictures - one of the Savior, one of the Sacred Grove. We managed to get both hoodlums in bed and asleep. Tyler, again being the hero, began to wash dishes, while I sat and gently rocked in the rocking chair in the kids' bedroom.
The clean room, the quiet, the sleeping perfect babies, and the pictures of family and all things important on the walls - the only place that has ever felt like that room did that night was the temple. That room carried the holiness, the fulness, the peace of the celestial room. It was a celestial room. And my tired bones soaked it in. I rocked and thought and rocked until my mind finally cleared of all the clutter of my week. Until the few thoughts crossing my mind were all related directly to my Savior. I felt the Spirit so strongly. I realized that this was a home. When I say I am a homemaker, this is what I strive to achieve. It's so much more than matching bedspreads and sheets to paint colors, or vacuuming twice a week. It's having the conversations about Jesus during the day. It's hearing Mili tell me that she is going to be "murred" (married) in the temple. It's her pointing at the picture of Blake on his mission and saying "Blake!" and "Baptize!" Then telling me how Jesus was baptized: in water, dunked not sprinkled. It's prioritizing following the prophet's counsel and finding the joy in keeping the commandments. And all the while teaching my children to do the same. It's the most beautiful work I've ever done.
I'll probably never really fill a checklist of temporal achievements full again. But when Mili pulled out her 'church' book and started telling Noah all about the pictures of Jesus, when she pointed at a drawing of Jesus holding a baby and told Noah that Jesus was holding him, that the baby was Noah, in that picture, I realized that I won't ever need that checklist to feel like I'm doing a great work on the earth.