19 January 2014

Little Life Happenstances - Episode 1

1. Tyler got a remote controlled helicopter.  It's a tough call to decide who loves it more, Tyler or Mili Kay.  She is now fascinated with all things flying in the sky and asks for the helicopter to be flown 3+ times a day.

2. There are two good things about Apache Junction. 1) The library.  2) Leanne's house!!!  Anilee and Mili helped us make cookies.  And flour did indeed fly everywhere.  It was awesome.

3. Though we may have an unhealthy number of 3am parties (not my choice), at least we get a good afternoon nap everyday in this house.  And yes, I do mean we.

4. There was a recent lake trip to do some invention testing.  Aaaaand here is what MK thought of her dad going in the water.  Totally unexpected.  And hilarious.

5. There was this awesome Sunday walk around the new Gilbert temple.  Please take note of Mili's impressive accessorizing and inability to smile with sunglasses on  because the sun never sets on a... well, you know.

08 January 2014

So glad you made it 2014.

Keeping with what seems to have become my tradition, my New Year's Eve was not so hot.  Suffice it to say I dissolved into tears at around 9.30pm and carted my sorry self off to bed.  In all honesty, the tears were mostly the result of exhaustion and pregnancy, nothing impressive.  But still.  It had been a really long day.  It felt as if 2013 were reminding me of just how draining, humbling, and hard the last 6 months have been.  Part of me wants to be really bitter about that reminder.

But 2014 dawned beautifully.  New Years Day was a big fat slice of heaven.  Again, not for any spectacular reason.  A day full of small little bits of down-to-earth goodness.  And though maybe it seems crazy, I believe that God gave both of those days to me, in that way, on purpose.  December 31, 2013 was my reminder of what has recently passed: trials, heartache, exhaustion, the bitter.  January 1, 2014 was my promise of what is now soon to come: hope, blessings, happiness, the sweet.

There were days this past year that I thought I couldn't hold on.  Heaven was silent no matter what I did.  The only thing that kept me moving wasn't even hope some days, it was the desire to have hope.  I struggled to keep up with my scripture study and prayer not because I had faith, but because I wanted faith so badly.  And just as I believe that a loving Father in Heaven would intentionally allow me to have an absolutely miserable December 31st, I believe that He allowed me to experience a spiritual silence.

I didn't know how much I really believed in or wanted faith until it seemed that my faith was worthless.  That prayer was speaking to ceilings.  That scriptures were simply old worn-out words.  In those moments, over those months, I hung on.  I refused to listen to the whispers of doubt.  I refused to give up on what I had known before to be true, even as I kept finding nothing, nothing, nothing.  I trusted in a God I couldn't see, hear, feel, or understand.

But I'm at the beginning of a beautiful dawn.  There has been no mighty miracle or spiritual event, simply a very quiet whisper filling my heart.  On the surface and in my circumstances, very little seems to have changed.  But I can hear Heaven again!  And in a way I have never before, I am embracing my faith.  Prayer has become a blessing, not a burden.  The scriptures are leaping to life and I am feeling, thinking, being in those stories and words.  There is hope.  This is only the start.

A new year has always been exciting to me, but my embrace of what 2014 has to bring has no comparison.  Bring it on.  All of it.  I'm ready.

06 January 2014

A little prayer of hope

Let's run away together.
Somewhere far far away,
where the sights do not haunt me
and I see a new day.

Let's run away together.
Let my tired heart rest.
Sing happy songs
and hold onto the best.

Let's run away together.
Just you and just me.
We're meant to be there dear,
running wild and free.